we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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