he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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