Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have demons in me.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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