I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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