Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
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