Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
