So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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