she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
