I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
