my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
