sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
