$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
