my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
