Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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