This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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