Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
