New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize