If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Nicole vs. Life
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
