he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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