when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
