can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
