Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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