I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
