I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
