Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
