you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
