Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
