About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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