Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
