DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
