come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
