She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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