Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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