hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
