He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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