also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize