If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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