i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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