I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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