New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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