she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
