I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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