I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
