he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
