Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
