walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
