sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
