Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
