Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
