Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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