Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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