Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
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Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
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I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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