If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
