dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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