2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
