first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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