Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
