going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
