Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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