Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
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Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
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He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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