apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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