im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
