So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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