You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
