so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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