Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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