I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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