Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
